sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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