woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
