there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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