hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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