There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Terrible idea I love it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
