I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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