I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
