after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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