mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize