Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
sarcasm needs its own font
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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