at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize