So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
either way he was missing a nipple.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
