I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
