my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
