He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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