From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
