You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
