He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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