I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
