You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize