Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
