You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Text me some of your sweat
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
