so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
