called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
