I want to walk on stilts...naked
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
