I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
