At least make sure they are 18
Why
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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