I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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