Well apparently he's into motor boating.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize