wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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