I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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