What a fucking waste of an outfit
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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