8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We left the knife in your bed.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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