your thong is hanging out like whoa
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
