I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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