This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
you never un-have a 4some
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
