youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i would one night stand the shit outta him
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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