the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she told me i tasted like america
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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