why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
