Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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