My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
