i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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