If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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