and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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