It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He did a backflip because drugs
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
