i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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