You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
