When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
