peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
