Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize