TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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