No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize