I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize