She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
