I wannas sexs uuuuu
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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