just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
