we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
