If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
