I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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