i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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