guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
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You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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