fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
