at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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