is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize