I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
