Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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