smell my finger.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
