My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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