i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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